Majeed: I was the funniest one in school... and the funniest one in explosives training.
Ron: Naked mole rat. Weird enough for ya?
Dr. Perry Lyman: I stopped trying to be anything. I accepted myself in all my human disorder. You might wanna do the same.
Sasha: It's all right! They're the brothers Grimm! People talk about them in Marsburg! They're famous!
Will: Right you are son! The famous brothers Grimm. Look at this strapping young man.
Gregor: "He" is my daughter.
Will: And a fine wife he'll make some lucky man.
Dylan: Chill out guys, I've got something stashed that just might help.
Brian: Dylan, we don't have time to indulge in recreational activities.
Alex: You make sex often with American girl?
Jonathan: Not really.
Alex: What is mean by "not really?"
Jonathan: I'm not a priest, but I'm not John Holmes either.
Alex: I have heard of this John Holmes. He has premium penis.
Jonathan: Yes, he did.
Alex: Everyne in Ukraine has penis like that.
Jonathan: Even the women?
Alex: You make joke, yes?
Jonathan: Yes.
Donald Morton: Turns out you can't control people.
Donald Morton: Or even predict them.
Donald Morton: Numbers are different.
Donald Morton: As I used to say, you can count on them.
Laura Henderson: If we are to ask our youth to surrender their lives, then we should not ask them to surrender joy - or the possibility of joy! And, if along the way, we cause too many people to congregate in the street, who gives a fiddler's fuck?
The Kid: So, as just a guy who gave another guy a sandwich, you have, like, any philosophical tips or anything, for a guy on a-kind of - road trip?
Don Johnston: You asking me?
The Kid: Yeah.
Don Johnston: Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future, isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is, is this. The present. That's it.
The Kid: Are you a Buddhist?
Amos Cadbury: Now wait a minute, you mean to tell me that that.
Sarah Leigh: I know it sounds crazy. Amos, I don't know how it happen. It's only thing that makes sense even if it is Twilight Zone kind of sense.
Amos Cadbury: The guy that... killed Jeremy and your daddy? That you helped send to the electric chair? Millard Findlemeyer? Has come back from the dead... to get revenge on you... inside a cookie?
Matt Stifler: Bite my nuts and call me Skippy.
Julian Noble: I'm as serious as an erection problem.
Shane Wolfe: Rule number one: never be too eager to rush your opponent.
Luce: What's your name, anyway?
H: Everyone calls me 'H'. They tell me it's short for Henrietta, but it's not. It's short for Jesus "H" Christ. That's what my mummy said when she found out she was pregnant with me.
Steve Coogan: Womb with a view.
Hollywood Henderson: Katelin.
Katelin Kingsford: Et tu, Hollywood?
Roland Sharp: I gave up alcohol about ten years ago.
Molly McCarthy: Didn't like yourself when you were drinking, huh?
Roland Sharp: Hell, I loved myself when I was drinking. It was the other people that had the problem.
Otis: I'm in. Except for no money, it's a no-brainer for me. First off, making a stag film has to be a good time. Number two, my hat's off to you. Good job. We can do this. Wha-what are we talking about here? Making a dirty movie - film, whatever, whatever. What does that require? Pointing a camera at a he and a she... he'in and a-she'in.
Santa Claus: Looks like Grandpa got run over by a reindeer.