Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.
Kathy Morningside: I would much rather cancel the show than have my girls blown up.
Stan Fields: Especially without their knowledge.
Dex: Y'know, no-one ever says, "Hey, God, how was your day? What can I do for you, God?" Or, "Hey, God, did you catch Letterman last night?"
Syd: Oh, and I suppose you talk to God like that?
Dex: Always. All the time.
Syd: And what does God say?
Dex: He says, "You know what? I saw Letterman and it sucked."
Roy O'Bannon: Come on. We're men, we're not pinatas.
Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged, and when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig.
Miguel: Alright! Cuba.
Rudolph Sackville-Bagg: No need to bite my head off.
Tony Thompson: Biting is your job, mine is to find the amulet.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Renato Amoroso: Signora Malena, a more capable person than me... wrote that the only true love is unrequited love. Now I understand why. It's been so long since you last came out of your house. But the longer we are apart, the stronger my love becomes.
Bob Rueland: I miss Elizabeth. I'll always miss her. But I ache for Grace.
Mrs. Tingle: Who can tell me if Frankenstein was circumcised?
Tommy Pickles: I believe in the playground. It is my favoritest place. But two yesterdays ago two boys came and buried my brother's binky. Then he started to cry.
Dil Pickles: Binky.
Angelica: You have come to me on the day of this wedding for me to take care of two boys?
Tommy Pickles: No, just a new binky.
Brother Boy: Now if you'll please excuse me... I have a show to do.
Grady Tripp: It's been a long time since someone wrote a really good book in jail.
Violet: Cammie, I think I just fell in love with you.
Cammie: Oh Violet, I'm not a lesbian. I played in the minors but never went pro.
Violet: That's not, what I meant.
Sam Tiler: Jack was nimble. Jack was quick. Jack gouged eyes with candlesticks.
Al Burnett: Not everyone at NASA is a hotshot college genius. The guy I most admire is from a one-horse town in Ohio.
Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell: And what's he do?
Al Burnett: Tomorrow he's gonna walk on the moon.
Glenn Latham: ...Who's the guy?
Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
Ben: I've been waiting on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you.
Malcolm Turner: Ben, whatever you started in that bed, trust me, you're going to finish alone.
Soul Station Manager: Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed "dabut" under your hobbies?
Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's "da butt."
Lane Leonard: Love isn't about fate and magic bracelets and destiny. It's about finding someone you can stand to be around for 10 minutes at a time.