Peter McGowan: Are you drunk or something?
Larry: What time is it?
Peter McGowan: Four.
Larry: Yep.
Berdine: They look like beatniks, should I unpack my bongos?
Marvel Ann: I intend to unpack mine.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Dot: The guys paid a dollars apiece to find out if you're single.
Lydia Callahan: Tell the guys I have five husbands, each one rich, mean and jealous. I'll be rotatin' them through on a weekly basis.
Dot: That line will be all over the valley by breakfast.
Lydia Callahan: Oh, just tell 'em I own a rifle.
Charlie: So, you're going to dinner with both of them? The girl you like and the girl you slept with?
Oscar: Yeah, my dad's coming too.
Imogen: A little soul is necessary in life.
Jim Grover: It's quints.
Professor Edward Alcott: You know, I have this kind of crazy philosophy that your grades should represent your grasp of the material and not your negotiating skills - which are amazing, by the way.
Minnie Mogul: I can't sign a contract that will help three ruthless villains take over the world. I just can't.
Fearless Leader, Boris, and Natasha: Why not?
Minnie: My pen's out of ink.
Bennett: I once heard someone say: "When you dim your light, so that someone else can shine, the whole world gets darker."
Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too.
Bob Banks: What field?
Greg Focker: Nursing.
Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in?
Greg Focker: Nursing.
Monica Jones: Melons are like boyfriends. Shall I tell you why? To get a single good one you must one hundred try.
Lily, Burnetts Grand Daughter: Magic Railroad?
Mr. C. Junior: Whatever.
Ben: Are you gay, or are you just acting gay?
Robert: Well, that depends, are you interested are are you just acting interested?
Banner in the back of Stanley's van: I'm the guy your mother warned you about.
Goldberg: Can you... say it now?
Cashier: I'm your bitch and you're my daddy.
Jimmy King: Rolled right off his tongue.
Hunter: Buddy, if you're lookin' at me for answers - I'm flattered but, uh - you've come to the wrong place.
Bree Davis: You see women all day, every day. How do they keep from just runnin' together?
Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis, "Dr. T": I think every single woman I've ever met has got somethin' special about her, somethin' that sets her apart from the rest.
Bree Davis: Well, if a gynecologist says there's no two alike, I guess there's no two alike.