Best comedy movie quotes of 1995

Bruno Parker: I never saw anything funny that didn't cause pain.

Stuart Smalley: Because what they say is true - it's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.

Paul Benjamin: Slow down, huh?
Auggie Wren: That's what I recommend. You know how it is. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. Time creeps in its petty pace.

Paulie: We've got to call the police. They'll understand.
Luke: Sure they would. Grad student kills war hero with a knife. You'll probably just get a ticket.

Dr. Frankenollie: Dr. Frankenollie at your service. You're here for the job, hmm?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. I mean, no! No.
Dr. Frankenollie: Oh, don't be shy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
Mickey Mouse: I hate adventures.
Dr. Frankenollie: Perfect! You're hired.

Gwen: Tell me about the elevator.
Brodie: It goes up-and-down. Ba-dump-tsss.

Arthur Hoggett: That'll do pig, that'll do.

Ah Keung: Don't ever make trouble here. Or I'll beat you up each time. Careful, mind the step.

Tom Sawyer: Muff's innocent Huck, we gotta help him.
Huck Finn: We ain't gotta do nothing.
Tom Sawyer: You'd let him hang for something he didn't do.
Huck Finn: It ain't no skin off my back.

Lucy: You don't have to walk me home.
Jack: No, you block the wind.

Calvin Fuller: Look, Your Majesty, I don't want to insult you or anything, but are you nuts? This isn't the castle. This is the real, in-your-face, carjacking, drive-by-shooting, kill-you-for-your-Reeboks street life.

Reginald Anson: Pleasant enough sort of place, isn't it?
George Garrad: I suppose so, considering it's Wales.

Band Manager: The fuckin' monkeys?

Linda Ash: You didn't want a blowjob so the least I could do is get you a tie.

Junior Healy: I'm getting out.
Ben Healy: You can't just get out of a moving vehicle.
Junior Healy: Well anything's better than listening to this lecture.

Suzanne Stone Maretto: You're not anybody in America unless you're on TV. On TV is where we learn about who we really are. Because what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if nobody's watching? And if people are watching, it makes you a better person.

Matt: Can't you just relax and enjoy the moment?
Gwyn: No, I'm a middle child. I always think the really good moments are happening to someone else.

Elspeth: If she doesn't have his goop in ten minutes, I'm going to go in there and get it myself.
Jezebel: That would be a first for you.

Darius: Just think of aids as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.

Leo: Par, par, bogey, bogey, par, par.