Vitruvius: The Special has arisen.
Gandalf: Have the young man step forward.
Vitruvius: As you wish, Dubbledore.
Gandalf: I'm Gandalf!
Dumbledore: It's pronounced Dumbledore.
Vitruvius: Dubbledore?
Dumbledore: No, Dumbledore.
Vitruvius: I thought you said Dubbledore.
Gandalf: Vetruvius!
Vitruvius: Ah, we gotta write all that down 'cause I'm not gonna remember any of it, but here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech.
Harry Hart: Manners maketh man. Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.
Hannigan: Like me on Facebook.
Will Stacks: I don't like you in Harlem, why would I like you on Facebook?
M. Gustave: You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... Oh, fuck it.
Harry Dunne: Whoa, Lloyd. Check out the hotties at 12 o'clock.
Lloyd Christmas: That's three hours away. Why can't I check 'em out now?
Ellie: Being there for someone when they need you, that's all relationships are.
Dave: Nicolas! Cage them.
Fred: If I could have any superpower right now, it would be to be able to go through that phone and give you a big hug.
Michelangelo: What's up, brah? Oh, you think you can handle this, Huh? I'm a snapping turtle fool!
Journalist 2: And why should gay people like me support the miners?
Mark: Because miners dig for coal, which produces power, which allows gay people like you to dance to Bananarama till 3 o'clock in the morning.
Howard Howe: We survive at all costs. Only to butcher again. And again. Until we ourselves are at last butchered in turn.
Lydia: Selfish people live longer.
Constantine: My name will go down as the greatest thief of all time!
Dominic Badguy: You mean our names, right?
Constantine: Of course. My name first, then spacebar, spacebar, spacebar... Your name.
Brooke Dalton: It's possible, isn't it? It's possible that you could meet somebody who's perfect for you even though you're committed to somebody else.
Nick Vaughan: No, no, see, I think if you're committed to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.
Winnie: Where are the rivers of blood, and the mountains of bones? I was promised rivers of blood.
Pete: Do you think maybe we've gone too far? I'm a child of divorce and I sympathize with them.
Teddy Sanders: My parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious.
Will McKenzie: Meanwhile, I was chasing a girl I had recently fingered to sleep.
Hilary: Hey, dad, I have a personal errand to run and I need to borrow the car.
Jim: Well, you can't drive without me yet and somebody's got to stay here with your sisters.
Hilary: Dad, I have a personal errand.
Jim: What does that even mean? You taking a hit out on somebody?
Lou: Dad, she's monsterating.
Jim: What?
Hilary: I have my period.
Jim: Oh, I forgot you get those.