Trent: A woman has an orgasm, it's like a fuckin' earthquake, right? I was doing this one Bertha once, I swear to God it was like a 7.5. It's like, I'm lookin' at my dick, going, "Jesus Christ, why can't you do that?"
Detective Jojima: My father was a small-village cop in a town where nothing ever happened. He just hung around like a scarecrow, until he died. But like they say - even a scarecrow keeps away the sparrows.
Eddie: If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver," and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death.
Earl Partridge: This fucking lie... it's so fucking hard, so long! Life ain't short, it's long, it's long, God damn it.
Michael Felgate: Well at least tell me what his restaurant is called, then I can sneak in, in a beard or something.
Gina Vitale: It's called The La Trattoria.
Michael Felgate: You mean La Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: No.
Michael Felgate: The La Trattoria means The The Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: I know.
Michael Felgate: Interesting. Look I have to go to the La Bathroom, and I'll be back in a sec.
Vince Boudreau: If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.
Dylan: I found him down by the pier.
Lila: Oh you bad dog! I should spank you.
Dylan: Ooh, hey, I was down by the pier too.
Troy Barlow: Hey, I don't know if I can do this. I got a family. If I'm gonna shit in a bag for the rest of my life because I got shot after the war was over, that would be pretty fucking stupid wouldn't it, Major?
Larry Houdini: You know what? I think I liked you better as a boogey... peeerson.
George Shapiro: Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question: who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself?
Ben Kurtzman: You don't walk out on Sinatra, sir.
Dutch Van Den Broeck: What happens if you don't get elected?
Kay Chandler: The country goes to hell.
Barry W. Blaustein: I could never get over the fact that guys could beat the crap out of each other in the ring, and be friendly outside of it. Some of Terry's most famous matches were against a man twenty years his junior: Mick Foley. Over the years, Mick and Terry had traveled the world, setting each other on fire, tossing each other into barbed wire. Yet outside the ring, they were truly at peace with one another.
Coach Bud Kilmer: Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened.
Orson Welles: I expected better of you, Mank.
Herman Mankiewicz: Me too, but I got used to it.
The Sphinx: You must be like wolf pack, not six-pack.
Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.
Gustave: I'll never forgive you, you know.
Valerie: For what?
Gustave: For marrying him instead of me.
