Cliff Murdoch: I just figured out why the Cubs lose every year. They've got more talent in the stands than they do in the field.
Harrison Winslow: Who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway? Resolve your entire life in one bold stroke? What if I fail? And I will. I'll fail. I'm telling you. I always fail. Then my whole life will be a complete failure.
Thomas Reilly: No offense, Harrison. But you died a failure because you never tried.
Ellen Mitchell: Why couldn't you die from a stroke like everyone else?
Hal Jackson: Do you mind if I smoke in here?
Sarah Mathews: Yes, I do mind.
Zora: Ma, this is his office.
Sarah Mathews: I don't care, this is my lungs, he can get himself killed.
Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: You think you're smarter than we are.
Jeff Blue: Oh, not much.
Doctor Jarret: When you think of guard dogs, you first think of German Shepherds: they are smart, lethal... but not good enough. Now we developed the new Emax3000. They are totally obsolete.
Hero: Nature never framed a woman's heart of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice - disdain and scorne ride sparkling in her eyes.
Chief of Police Cecil Tolliver: Son, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take that tape.
Ernie: What about the First Amendment?
Chief of Police Cecil Tolliver: Fuck the First Amendment.
Marian Wyman: Are you cheating Ralph?
Dr. Ralph Wyman: No, Marian. You cheat. Remember?
Johnny: I wanna join the Army.
Aunt Bella: The Army? Our Army?
Johnny: Yeah! But they wouldn't take me. I couldn't pass the, the - hatever they give you I couldn't pass.
Giddy: ...did you know it could be dangerous to wake somebody up when they're dreaming, well, because you leave part of your brain behind. And if it happens too many times, you go feeble in the head.
Sheela: Yeah. You're living proof.
Detective Bill Reimers: I've had this moustache for thirteen years. How long have you had yours?
Matthew Welsh: You cold-blooded murderess.
Hexina: What did you just call me?
Matthew Welsh: Murderess.
Hexina: Oh, I thought you said Methodist. For a moment I was insulted.
Cole Parker: I want you to press the ignition button. You got me?
Dani Servigo: Ignition?
Cole Parker: Ignition. Yeah. Shit. He can't read. I tell you what you do. Hold up that first finger. Tell me what you see.
Dani Servigo: A finger.
Cole Parker: No, it looks like an "I." That's the first letter in "ignition."
Larry Wilson: I was not the one who was out CONGA-DANCING all night, huh.
Johnny: You may not know this, Missy, but I ate Chuck for YOU.
Missy's Friend: God, my boyfriend won't even pump gas for me.