Blair Warner: I just had another one of my brilliant ideas.
Alice: I'm all ears. Well I'm not all ears... I'm face and tummy and legs and lots of other bits, including some rather private bits I only let a doctor see. Only he wasn't a doctor, and he got arrested soon after.
Nathan Stark: Good job, Carter... Wow, that didn't even leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Marshall Jack Carter: Wait for it.
Nathan Stark: ...Oh, there it is.
Kunta Kinti: What's snow, Fiddler?
Fiddler: Never you mind, boy, never you mind. Let's get on back to home. I got enough trouble teaching you the difference between manure and massa. 'Course there ain't all that much difference when you gets right down to it.
Georgia Thomas: Well, by all means let's hear your opinion, Richard.
Richard Fish: Simple. Men and women. Friction.
Georgia Thomas: That's it? Friction?
Richard Fish: Friction, friction, friction, orgasm. Fishism.
Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
Grace: My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.
Discord: 'What fun is there in making sense?"
DCS Christopher Foyle: The uniform suits you.
Andrew Foyle: Thanks. I wish I could say the same about your dressing gown.
Penny: Is he here?
Michael: Is who here?
Penny: I don't know his name, but he's tall, skinny, and beautiful.
Michael: Hold on now. Tall, and skinny we've got, but beautiful?
Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Oh, thank you, helpful trail of clothes. I love you.
Darrin Stephens: Sam, don't expect your mother to be gracious. She doesn't do imitations.
Lou Grant: Put it on an idiot card for Ted.
Ted Baxter: Cue cards, Lou. I don't know why everyone insists on calling cue cards idiot cards.
Murray Slaughter: We just have trouble thinking of you as a cue.
Day 6: 6:00 AM - 7:00 AM - S6-E1
Jack Bauer: Do you understand the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing? The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn't want to die for nothing. Today, I can die for something.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - S1-E2
Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
Alf Stewart: He's as crooked as a dog's hind leg.
Kimmy Gibbler: My moves are all that and a bag of chips, so talk to the hand loser! Oh snap, you go girl! I think I just did.
Greg Sanders: For the record, I really like having a penis.
1337: Well... I'm one heck of a mama myself.